So, your relationship has ended and heartbreak has hit you hard. Whether you initiated the break up, you were broken up with or it was a mutual decision, it’s a difficult thing to deal with and go through. It can feel like your world is crumbling around you, I know this sounds like a cliché but it’s true. Here are some tips I learnt about getting through a heartbreak and coming out of the other side:
Let All Your Emotions Out
Your world has been turned upside down. The person you thought you were meant to be with is not there in the same way anymore, the feelings you experience are similar to mourning the death of a loved one. Shock, denial, anger, sadness and eventually acceptance; not necessarily in that order, you might experience them all at once and you might skip some of these feelings.
Either way, allow yourself to feel these emotions and confide in your loved ones about these feelings. I also found talking to a counsellor has helped me deal with these feelings, it’s a huge help talking to someone completely impartial and detached from the situation. Writing down how you’re feeling and what thoughts are racing through your head is also helpful.
Be Careful Who You Open Up About Your Ex To
It’s natural you want to vent about them afterwards, especially right after things have ended. There’s a saying that heavily applies to most aspects of life; “a listening ear can also be a running mouth” so if you need to vent about an ex, I would suggest doing it to someone you trust completely or an impartial party who is detached from the situation e.g. a therapist.
Do Not Stalk Them On Social Media
We all swear we won’t do this but the questions start cropping up. Are they OK? Are they managing? Oh, they had that job interview. How did that go? Should I ask? I am here to stay STOP because let’s be honest, you want to see if they have moved on to a new person or not. It’s OK, it’s in human nature to be curious and wonder if that is the case. Curiosity that could have negative impacts on your mental health however is not. My advice? Focus on yourself and your life. I know that’s easier said than done, especially if the break up is still fresh. Which leads me to my next bit of advice.
Allow Time To Reflect Without Distractions
This helps you realise what you actually want from life. I stayed off my personal social media accounts for a month; this really helped me think about things and helped me realise was was most important to me. Even if you’re not going through a breakup, it’s something I recommend doing. You can read more about that here. Meditation has also helped me to do this, I now fit a short one in at the start of my day and one longer one in the afternoon. I used the app Headspace for this.
Don’t Completely Isolate Yourself
It can be extremely tempting to hide away from the world after your relationship ends, I certainly felt this way during the first few days. I didn’t want to see anyone in case I ended up crying when I tried to tell them about it. The moment you feel ready to, start talking and meeting with loved ones again. Most people know how you feel as they most likely have been through the same thing. Your loved ones will have your backs, they won’t think less of you.
I know, we have all heard this tip many times and I am sure you are sick of it. This always seems to be the answer to everything going wrong but for me honestly it really helps. I have found walking in nature to be extremely helpful. You get a dose of that fresh air and it gives you a chance to appreciate nature around you. I have also enjoyed exploring new places with my dog Fergus. If you have a dog or someone you know needs their dog walked, take them with you.
When the swimming pools opened up again after lockdown, I got back into that. You can go at your own pace and you still feel great afterwards. It’s a great way to release pent up energy and start off your day. My advice? Find an exercise you enjoy and that challenges you at the same time.
Try Something New
When you feel ready to do so, try something completely new and out of your comfort zone. For me, this was keeping up trying one new recipe a month, learning a new language and going for a swim in the sea in the UK. Those who live in the UK will know how cold the sea is.
Focus On What Makes You Happy
This is the most important tip of all. When in a relationship good or bad, you focus your energy on making someone else happy that sometimes you tend forget about your own happiness. Again every relationship is different. So being single allows you to find out what makes you happy and what you want to do more of. For me; it’s taking mini staycations by myself, walking Fergus, baking and cooking. I also learnt to appreciate things a lot more.
Hope these tips will help you, if you can think of anything that helped you through heartbreak, please comment below.
Take care of yourself first and foremost and stay safe.
Words: Lotty Whittingham